The Column

**Happenings** The Guru was seen over the weekend at NYC rocker hotspot Snitch. Our spy arrived late in the evening, and SP was already up to his out of control antics. Reports say he had been indulging in the timeless rocker classic shot of choice, Jägermeister, and generously washing them down with Budweiser. When our spy arrived SP was making the rounds asking patrons to call him a "Rude Boy" (use your best Jamaican accent). As the Jager and Bud slowly transformed SP from the shire dwelling misfit to an uncontrollable Jamaican impersonator, staff management slowly intervened. SP wise to his impending capture, made a dash to higher ground, taking a one step leap on top of the bar, gotta be the shots. Once on the bar he immediately drew the attention of patrons with his side stepping footwork, and footloose fanfare. As the crowd started to get worked up, so did SP. In an incredible display of showmanship, the drunken Guru made his way to one side of the bar, and then in an explosion of dumbness, made a mad dash for the end of the bar. Three steps into his sprint, he dropped to his knees sliding over the reminisce of split drinks, all the while screaming, "Call me a Rude Boy!"(keep using the Jamaican accent). However, our source explained due to the tremendous amount of liquor the poor guy had ingested, he misjudged the length of the bar, and flew right off the end landing flat on his chest. Management immediately scooped him up, and began escorting him to the door, all the while listening to him scream "I'm a Rude Boy!" Once at the door, SP, made a quick break from his escorts, only to turn and take a header down the stairs. Once at street level, a bouncer helped SP up to his feet, not knowing he was all juiced. The Guru gave the bouncer a quick WWF/WWE (whatever) maneuver to gain control of the situation. SP then grabbed the bouncer around the neck with his two scraped up hands, and look the man straight in the eyes. The bouncer stunned by the turn of events stood motionless. SP then said ever so quietly, that only the bouncer could hear him, "Call me a Rude Boy."