The Column

**Sightings** SP Pub Guru was spotted early yesterday evening in what looked like a system-seven adventure. After leaving the office he was seen marching cross-town, destination unknown, sidestepping tourists with a native’s intuition. Somewhere around Rockefeller Center he ducked into a deli for some questionable deli sushi, and a red bull, our spy reports. After inhaling the sushi, and now revved up on Red Bull, it was cruising time.

Our spy reported that they almost lost, SP, a few times, due to his super stride, and racecar driver like maneuvers through rush hour sidewalk traffic. Making a beeline down 6th, he took the high road at Bryant Park, walking over the grassy park and some late afternoon sunbathers. Coming out clean on 5th, he continued his march southward, lighting up a smoke on 39th, and hitting a true system-seven stride.

Approaching the Empire State Building, and a mass of tourists with their necks cocked back, SP decided this would be a good time to break left and head over to Park for some high class cruising. Reaching the other side of 5th, SP nearly made a costly mistake while trying for a double sidestep involving a baby stroller, and an elderly woman’s walker. Forgetting the rules of high-speed system-sevening, which states all individuals over the age of 7 and younger than 70 are in play. Meaning that what happens to they on the sidewalk is there own damn fault. However kids under the age of 7 and people over the age of 70 are off limits and out play by default. Also wheelchairs (has to be manual because motorized ones don’t count, everyone knows they rule the sidewalk), walkers, and people on crouches are out of play. So as SP was making his approach to enter the sidewalk on the other side of 5th, he thought he’d pull a little one, two act and sidestep the two out of bounds markers, but instead caught his shoe on the old ladies walker throwing him off balance. Looking to brace himself, SP search for something to put a hand on to stop is enviable fall. His first choice was a street sign, however a baby stroller came into play, so his only other choice was a Hala food cart. Making a split second decision between going for the cart, which could have ended with him putting his hand in to a large pile of steaming hot curry chicken or the sweaty back of the chef, SP took the lesser of two evils. Lunging towards the cart, SP put on hand on the chefs back, swung the other leg around the stroller, took a look back at the elderly woman to make sure she hadn’t shipwrecked, then turned his head forward, and erased the experience from his mind.

Reaching Lex and heading south again our spy couldn’t figure out where the hell SP was going. He was now far from the shire, far from the office, and still going strong, must be the Red Bull. Approaching Gramercy Park, our spy was beyond confused. On 23rd the Guru lit up one more smoke, hacked it down while circling the private Gramercy Park, and then hopped up the stairs of his destination, a private members club across from Gramercy Park. Our spy was disappointed that the chase had ended, yet also very intrigued as to why SP Pub Guru was going into a private club, and more importantly how the hell was he being admitted? These answers we can’t provide, but stay tuned, as we never know where the wily little Guru will surface next.